HELLO THERE! WELCOME TO HELL. MY NAME’S TODD, AND I’LL BE BURROWING INTO YOU FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF MILLENNIA WHILE YOUR SCREAMS JOIN THE UNCEASING CHORUS OF THE DAMNED. IT’S A REAL PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU WITH US.
THERE’S COFFEE AND A VERY DELICIOUS PIE JUST OVER THERE IN THE COMMON ROOM IF YOU WANT ANY. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT, OF COURSE, BECAUSE THAT WOULD KIND OF DEFEAT THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF YOUR VISIT, BUT WE DIDN’T WANT YOU TO THINK WE’RE NOT GOOD HOSTS.
SO, SHALL WE BEGIN?